5 Things You Need to Know to Keep Your Marriage Happy

Relationships are hard. You can be with the perfect spouse, a person you consider to be a true soul mate, your best friend, the one person you'd want with you if stranded on a deserted island, and you'll still find a way to get on each others nerves once and awhile. 

Keeping a relationship healthy and happy isn't something that just happens, and friction isn't always a sign that there is something wrong. Relationships take work, there are always going to be some bumps here and there. It's up to both partners to respect each other and work on smoothing out those rough patches while building up the best in each other.

This may seem like hackneyed advice from another era, but it really is important to spend some downtime with your spouse as real downtime. No TV, no Netflix, no two-player games, just two adults having a conversation and enjoying each others company. It's so easy to be distracted and allow modern entertainment and media consume every free second of our lives - and that starves our relationships.

Put the phones away and have dinner at the dinner table instead of the couch. Go out for the evening and forget about checking Twitter every ten minutes. Even just taking the dog out together for a walk around the block and getting outside with each other can do wonders for your relationship. You can't know who your partner is if you spend every minute together staring at a screen.

When there are problems, you need to be able to address them openly and directly. Nothing is more corrosive in the long run than passive-aggressive sniping and innuendo. When you have a problem with your partner, don't skirt around it by dropping snide sideways references to what is bugging you or by making a vague post on social media you hope they'll read. This is your spouse, your partner in life, you owe it to them to be up front and honest when there is a problem.

If you or your partner find you just can't be direct without things devolving into a fight, that is likely a sign of a deeper problem. Relationships are serious, you need to be open to criticism and concerns from your partner. When your spouse comes to you with an issue, being defensive or trying to reflect the blame back on them is the worst thing you can do. Instead, listen carefully, don't cut them off or try to jump in, and think about the situation before you respond. None of us are perfect, and it's entirely possible that you've been thoughtless or selfish in some way that you never even considered. We need to trust our partners to check that behavior and keep us on track, not try and deny that it's an issue in the first place. 

Healthy relationships aren't built by being super-human. There needs to be some boundaries in place to make sure you're not running yourself ragged trying to be all things to all people. If your exhausted from work, burned out from stress, and just need some downtime, you're not being a good wife or husband by agreeing to go to some event you're going to be too tired and annoyed to enjoy (and likely going to become frustrated and snippy during), or being dragged to some movie you're going to hate. Relationships are built on give and take and mutual respect. Boundaries, and the ability to say "no” without being hurtful is part of that compromise.

Yes, there are only so many hours in the day, and you can't do everything you want. Between our careers, social obligations, hobbies, and other commitments, it's so tragically easy to give your marriage the short shrift. It's so easy for patience and commitment to each other warp into neglect and taking each other for granted. 

Make your marriage a priority in your life. Take time to give it the care and respect it deserves, even if that means pulling time and focus away from other areas of your life. You're career, friends, and hobbies are important, but nothing is as crucial as the person you've pledged your life to.

You are going to goof it up. You're going to make mistakes, be a jerk, and hurt the person you love. And they're going to do it right back to you. Humans are frail and fallible creatures, and no matter how good our intentions are, there are always going to be cases where you and your spouse just blow it and screw up.

That's okay. As long as we're able to recognize that no one is perfect and have the capacity and love to extend forgiveness openly and readily, we can get through these occasional stumbles and set-backs. 

In a marriage it is both spouses responsibility to be the best they can be for their partner. That means being willing to ask for, and give, forgiveness.