How to love people even when it's hard

 

The Bible commands us to love our fellow man at all times. We're to do so freely, with open and glad hearts. We're told to love our neighbors, love sinners, even love our enemies. There are no provisos or caveats to this command, no "love thy neighbor... unless he's a real jerk” clause.  

That's a pretty tall order.

The sad reality is, it's much easier to talk about loving our fellow man than it is to do it. There are a whole lot of people out there who just aren't particularly lovable. 

We all have them in our lives, the exhausting co-worker who always seems to find the cloud in every silver lining. The wayward cousin who's been in-and-out of jail for years looking for yet another "second” chance from the family. The hatemongers at home and abroad who spew bile and invective about others, who only seem to live to stir up the worst in others and promote a way of thinking and living antithetical to a Christian mindset. How are we expected to love people like that?

Well, no one said being a Christian was going to be easy. Love, real love, is hard. It takes effort. It isn't a switch you flick and suddenly find yourself radiating sunshine and projecting rainbows for everyone to see. Loving others, especially those are are difficult to love, takes a conscious effort. 

We all know the old saying "hate the sin, love the sinner.” It's easy to write it off as a cliché, but its true. As Christians we need to prioritize our God given order to act as compassionate and forgiving representatives of His redeeming love over everything else. That means sometimes you have to stow the sermon, un-wag the finger. 

People are always going to mess up, always going to find new ways to disappoint or shock you. And when that happens, the temptation to get up on the high horse and start dispensing judgment and recriminations is always going to be there too. But that's not what God wants us to do. It's not our place to issue judgment or act a spiritual police officers. It's our job to love and forgive.

When confronted with a difficult person that's making it a chore to love them, remember that compassion needs to come first. Be understanding of their decisions, their situation, their mistakes. You don't have to love what they've done, or approve of it. But you do have to love them as a fellow child of God.

It's natural to want to steer clear of difficult people. To "lose” their phone numbers, to always be too busy to get together. But that's the last thing we should be doing as Christians. Those are the people we need to embrace, the ones that need the extra contact, the positive reinforcement.

When people are isolated, it leads to a negative cycle of bitterness. When people think nobody thinks about them, or that no one in their life cares what they do anymore, it's like pulling the safety net out from under a high-wire act. If things were dicey before, now there's no limit to how far they can fall.

Relationships buoy us, they ground us. It's harder to engage in self-destructive spirals, or to double-down on hateful attitudes when you know you have people in your life that will be hurt by those decisions. That doesn't mean people won't still make mistakes and bad decisions, but it gives them a reason to think reconsider, a moment to pause and reflect. 

Love is a powerful thing. The occasional text or cup of coffee, a cheap two dollar birthday card, an invitation to a barbeque - believe it or not, these are things that can save lives.  

This is a hard one. When it comes to loving difficult people, sometimes it pays to turn the lens inward and look at yourself. Are you perfect? No, none of us are. We all make mistakes and fail to live up to the best versions of ourselves. Some of us get snappy with our loved ones when under stress (or just haven't had enough sleep). Some of us might not know when to draw the line at a joke and inadvertently hurt people's feelings. Many of us have our own bad habits and shames. Nobody is lovable all the time.

But, in spite of that, God still loves you.

Follow that example. When you feel like you've had enough of someone, when you feel like you couldn't possibly extend another olive branch or benefit of the doubt, think of God and how He still loves you. God, who knows exactly how many times as you've slipped up, sinned, and made yourself real hard to love - but He still does.

With that glorious example as our inspiration, how can we aim for anything less?